Control

Confessions of a semi-reformed control freak:

I don’t like going to Emergent Care. The doctors don’t know me. All they see are my scars. It’s awkward. I walk away feeling yucky about myself. Thank goodness for primary care physicians…

I have a hard time reading about cruel things people say or do to disabled people. Especially children. Their pain is my pain. I want to bury my head in the sand. Disengage. Thank goodness for the majority out there who are kind.

I deliberately ignore people out in public. You may see me at a mall and think I will smile at you because I know you. I don’t mean to not see you. To protect myself, I focus straight ahead. It’s better not to watch people watching me. Thank goodness for friends who understand.

We are all such a mix of our personalities, histories and quirks. I’m envious of the social creatures that make it all seem so effortless – acceptance, security, fearlessness. I want to get over myself and risk more.

Thank goodness I’m not the only one?

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