To be or not to be… Integrated.
It’s the psych-buzz-term I have been thinking about lately.
To be integrated is to have a personality that is organized, flexible, strong and balanced.
It seems like a tall order for a burn survivor who struggles with needing affirmation, confidence and feeling whole. I like to act as if I have it all together, but it can easily unravel when I’m triggered by stares or hurtful comments.
Of course, compared to the early years after my accident, being out in public is a cake walk, but every now and then I am reduced to that old image of someone who scared children. Something deep in my psyche was affected and is easily refreshed by a painful picture or memory. And I have to battle for the right perspective on myself.
It is an interesting juxtaposition to be leading a support group, and still needing one… is it just me, or are there some days when we are all a hot mess? Sadly, no one gets through life unscathed…
ahhhhhhh, to like or not to like. Maybe it is only human, burned or not burned…scarred on the inside or scarred on the outside… to like ourselves sometimes, then other times we don’t think too highly of ourselves. It’s my belief that whether we are conscious of it or not, we all have those times, whether we acknowledge them — or not.
Good points! The roller coaster of self-like can be tough. It definitely takes self-worth to put ourselves out there… Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Mine has always been my weight. I was a cubby kids. I starved myself to be thin as a teen. Once I had my last 2 babies in my thirty. I have struggled with my weight. My body image, I have times where I do not worry about it and then at times I worry and don’t like my looks. Confidence it is such a Fickle thing. Hugs to you Mona
Thanks for sharing that Lisa – I can attest to the fickle thing! Hugs back…
My goal in everyday is to try to do it better than the day before. Whether it’s helping others, or a thought in my own mind, or just loving myself. I can only hope I can do it better tomorrow. Every one has their own self worth, self love, self evaluation. If we depend on our faith, as much as we should, we should never question those things. I know I have deep faith but I don’t depend on it as I should. I don’t look to it first. Maybe I will tomorrow…
Hey Barb – such wise words! Going to Him first with all that we are or are not… He sees and He loves us no matter what. Strength comes from that truth!